"Stress is nothing more than a socially acceptable form of mental illness."--Richard Carlson

Unfortunately, with life comes it's own disappointments. Sometimes we seem to dwell on those more than life's accomplishments and joys. That is the difference between happiness and anguish. Some die within themselves through heartache, depression, and stress. Others accept the things life hands them and move on. Which will you do?

We live in a time of consistant uncertainty. People are losing their jobs, homes, possessions, and families. Just recently I spoke with a gentleman who was a highline real estate agent. He managed and sold multi-million dollar estates. Just recently, he was laid off from his job, lost his home, wife left him, and he had to move in with his parents, cross-country, at age 35. Surprisingly, he was positive in his demeanor. He constantly looked forward as he applied for more jobs and worked to get his personal life in order. Not one time did he reflect on the things lost in his conversation. Truly, that is the correct frame of mind if going through stressful events. Keep your head up and eyes focused forward.

This is important to remember as things fiscally seem as though they will get a lot worse before they improve. The right frame of mind adds to reducing stress. Yes, we cannot let stress into our lives as it has the tendancy to take over. It is like a cancer which will eat you up inside and leave you bare. Wayne Dyer once said: "It makes no sense to worry about things you have no control over because there's nothing you can do about them, and why worry about things you do control? The activity of worrying keeps you immobilized."

Although the avoidance of stress seems easier said than done, it can be accomplished. One has to accept the things he cannot change, and focus on removing oneself from stressful events and circumstances. Also, when life's events creates changes, learn to reinvent yourself. One of the most respected people in my life was my high school principal, Willarena Williams, who once spoke at a graduation about reinventing oneself. She stated: "Life will bring tribulations. Do not succomb. Reinvent yourself if the way you live has become difficult. Do you think that I dreamed as a child of becoming your principal? Do you think I studied in school and maintained the Deans List to become your principal? Although proud to be your principal, it was not my first choice. I had to reinvent myself." Words to live by, wouldn't you agree?

Again, walk away from exasperating events and allow your mind freeness to create. Stress will immobilize and cripple. Make sure that, even though you might have to get through a change, you keep in mind that it is temporary. Better times will be ahead, although it might be hard to see right now. Keep your head up and eyes focused ahead. Life moves on!
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The Loss Of A Pet

Darkness. Loneliness. Pain. These are three words that, though strong, fail to describe the loss of a pet. To say it is like losing a family member still doesn't seem to sum up the loss. Why do we allow ourselves to get so close to creatures with life spans a percentage of the length of ours? Maybe, because we just can't help ourselves. Anatole France stated: "Until one has loved an animal, a part of one's soul remains unawakened." There is truth to that statement. We have a cell, hormone, or trait that draws us close to creatures that we even name and, for some, have birth certificates and clothes. Thus, the loss is deep and pierces the soul.

Sadly, there are few words of comfort. Friends and family may try, but their words come out empty. You may hear words like, "so why don't you get another one." Well, we didn't lose a Chevrolet. What was lost had a personality, feelings, and our heart. Another just does not replace the pain.

Recently, we lost our almost 7 year old male cocker spaniel to H3N8, the doggie flu. Sadly, he passed away young and youthful. One day playing with his tennis ball and chewing my wife's fine Ralph Lauren linen, to the next day laying on the floor lifeless. The loss is not only felt by my wife and I, but by his two older sister cockers. One continues to look for him, while the other stays in her dog bed all day and refuses to eat. Yes, other pets mourn as well. Some breeds can be so close to each other that they actually mourn to death. We pray that doesn't happen with ours. How could we describe that pain?

It is said that time heals all wounds. If that is the case, then the deeper the wound the more time it will take. For those of you who have had to bury your non-homosapien loved one, you know the pain all too well.

DreamSetting

"Every great man who ever dreamed drove a Cadillac." --(General Motors Cadillac Division Commercial Circa 2000) I don't know how true that statement is since Cadillacs have only been around for 120 years. But, I understand what is being said...dreams lead to excellence. How true that is! One must dream before he can achieve. If you dream, the thoughts become fertile in your heart and mind. Of course, we are speaking of conscious dreams. Unconscious dreams, although eventful at times, cannot be controlled. But the conscious mind can explore thoughts that could lead to inventions, plans, and goals.

Have you ever longed for something? Maybe it was a material item. Maybe it was an intimate relationship. Maybe it was a specific secular achievement. Whatever it was, you had the thought come into your mind. Maybe a passing thought at first. Then you thought about it more and more. Pretty soon it was in your mind day and night. It became so real to you that you could taste it. Within certain boundaries, this desire could lead to goals which can help you achieve your dreams. The reasoning behind saying "certain boundaries" is because we do not want a dream so fertile in our mind that it leads to wrongdoing. We don't want to become dreaming theives. That is not dreamsetting, nor is it an enriching goal. We want our desires to lead to worthwhile goals.

When those desires lead to dreams and we begin to set goals, we will call it dreamsetting, make sure that the goals are S.M.A.R.T. S.M.A.R.T is an acronym for Specific Measurable Attainable Result-oriented and Time-bound. Let's take a brief look at each one of the words that make up the acronym. In being specific, one must not have the desire as the goal. For instance, your desire might be to gain riches. Riches is not specific enough to be a goal. Our thought process has to be narrowed. Measurable is important in dreamsetting. It aids us to know how close we are getting to our goal. Without measurement, we may get frustrated and give up along the way. Attainability is extremely important. Some say that nothing is out of reach. Well, not to be negative, some things are beyonjd the realms of reality. In saying this, I'm not speaking of one's lot in life, but the goal may be unattainable. For instance, to wish to run a Fortune 500 corporation without any of the credentials desired for even an entry level position within the corporation would be unattainable. Surely, the point is not lost in the example, and one can see how an unattainable goal would lead to frustration as well. Our goals must be Result-oriented. Every step along the way, we should see results that bring us closer to the realization of our goal. This will avoid our goal from being abstract, but having reality throughout. Finally, our goal should be time-bound. It should not linger on forever, but it should have a specific date of realization. Jim Carrey once wrote himself a $1,000,000 post-dated check. His goal was S.M.A.R.T., and he achieved his goal on the specific date. Now, we might want to make that date firm or it may have leniency based on the goal.

Not to change our point, but surround yourself with supporters. Avoid those in life who are "dreamkillers". Some either wish for you not to succeed or they can't imagine you reaching your goal. They are to be put away from you as they will only stand in the way of progress. The sad reality is that oftentimes the "dreamkillers" are close to you. Actually, they will have to be in order to know your goals and to be able to introduce doubt into your mind. Do not allow anyone to prohibit your achievements. Set your goal and march forward, never looking in any direction except forward.

For you goal to be real to you and for you to measure your progress, be sure to have your goals in writing. A goal is just a passing thought if it is not written. In addition, remember that you can have multiple goals working simultaneously. Just be sure to keep them S.M.A.R.T. Now, let's dreamset and yield success!

I Love You... Really?

As I look at the cuff purchased by my wife, I ponder the words written on it. It reads, "Love is patient. Love is kind. Love has no end." Within the parameters of that definition, few have truly experienced love. Surely, we all have had individuals tell us they love us. As a matter of fact, nothing warms the heart more than the three words, "I love you." There is no other word in the English language as powerful as the word love. If you don't believe it, just look in a thesaurus and see if we can replace love with any other word and maintain the same emotion as when "I love you" is said. Let's try it... "I adore you". No, not the same feeling. How about "I cherish you". Not the words to make the heart melt, is it? Only "I love you" can make our pulse rise. We easily accept it when others say those words to us. Oftentimes, we never question their spoken love. We presume upon it and reciprocate. Unfortunately, we frequently find that their love is not patient, is not kind, and has end. Actually, it is safe to say they never loved us.

How does one know for sure if they are truly loved? Love needs to be tested. Not by our constantly questioning those professing their affection. Of course their reply would be, "sure, I love you". Sadly, those words are rarely heartfelt. The true test comes through trials. We all hate to experience trials, but they are necessary to life. Without them, how will we know how far our "loved ones" will extend their "love" for us? Oprah Winfrey once stated, "Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down." How many of those around you will be there with their bus token in hand?

Interestingly, it is easy to examine the love others have for us. For some, this leads to paranoia, and believing any and all love shown us is for some reason of conspiracy. But, we also have to examine our own love and motives. Let the words on my cuff be our mirror and look at ourselves. Are we kind? Do we demonstrate patience? Will we unnecessarily end relationships? In other words, do we truly love others? It is rewarding if we do. You can give away dollars and cents and become poor, but no one is ever poor by giving love.

As the holidays arrive, this is a time most people think of loving and giving of themselves in gift form. Don't allow one day to fill you with joy. Joyously live by giving love the other 364 days of the year (of course one extra day of love on the leap years). Also, demand those around you to live by the true meaning of love as well. Never allow yourself to comprimise and except half-heartedness from anyone. Allow trials to ensure the love of those surrounding you. When ones show their true colors and possibly break from your fold, it may hurt for the moment, but you are rewarded by having only the best and most loving in your corner.

Yes, readers, we can't control what others say...but, the next time we say "I love you", let's make sure we mean it. "Love wasn't put in your heart to stay. Love isn't love until you give it away."-Jules Renard