Why is it inside of us to fear change? Many avoid it at all cost. Some embrace it in certain ways but are petrified of it in other instances. Is it because change may take us outside of our comfort zone? Truly, we often become complacent and enjoy doing things a specific way or live life beating to the same drum. But if the beat of that drum needs a change in rhythm, will we seize it? Fear of change can cause internal conflict. Maybe we reside in an area not because we are in love with the vicinity, but we are horrified of what change might bring. Possibly, we have changed our thinking, but will not change our actions because we fear ridicule or loss of those around us who think the way we no longer feel. Thus, we begin living a lie. Is that a joyous existence?
Fear of the unknown is the greatest fear. We began to think of the worse that can happen if we allow others to know we have changed. What we think about and reality actually are often two different things. True, change may make you feel you will lose friends or loved ones. Actually true friends will welcome your change. Friends of circumstance will not. What are friends of circumstance? They are acquaintances who exist because you are in similar situations who will not be there once those conditions differ. For instance, maybe you are in the same peer group possibly in school or work. But once you graduate or are no longer employed at the same facility, they are gone with communication ceasing. Maybe you have a circle of friends with your marriage mate, but once the partners change and are no longer married, the friends dissipate. They long for you together, but are not fond of you apart. The question is, are friends of circumstance friends at all? If one cannot be honest with the ones around him or they don't embrace his change of thought and circumstances, those around him are not his true friends. Their dissipation should be encouraged rather than any feeling of loss. Remember, true friends will wrap their arms around your progression and wrap their arms around you any chance they get.
In 1942, Erica Jong wrote: "I have not ceased being fearful, but I have ceased to let fear control me. I have accepted fear as a part of life specifically fear of change and fear of the unknown; and I have gone ahead despite the pounding in the heart that says turn back, turn back, you'll die if you venture too far." Maybe, we have felt the same way, but have allowed fear to control our actions unlike Erica. This has lead to unhappy individuals in even sadder situations. Fear has led ones to stay in loveless, adulterous, and even abusive marriages. Fear has led some to report to underpaid, under appreciated dead-end jobs. Fear has led even others to give into peer pressure resulting in dire consequences.
Unhealthy fear is distressing and imprisoning, and we should never let it control us. Continue to change and progress into a better human being without fear of acceptance. This is the only way to truly find happiness and experience internal completeness.
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
How Should We Measure Success?
Lavish automobiles. Ostentatious homes. Elaborate apparel. Lavish jewelry. Multiple sexual partners. Which of these, if any, measures our success? As Americans, we look at others who may possess these things and immediately call the individual successful. If you don't believe, just watch music videos or television shows like "Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous" or "Cribs". You will see that people will purchase things that they frankly don't need or will never use just to show others their "success". Even the artists who perform most songs heard on the radio today brag about their purchases, sexual conquests, and extravagant lifestyles. Why? Because no one obviously wants to be associated with or even listen to the music of one who might be classed as a "loser." Odd, isn't it, since most musicians historically have been starving artists. Also, how did many of them get so rich, as their lyrics dictate, before they released their first album? Regardless, society today insists that we measure success materially. So these musicians are happy to oblige.
Actually, these lyrics give eye to what could be a rip in the very stitch of the fabric of society. We are so consumed with being successful that it is the only thing we wish to hear about. Even the false pretense of success sang or rhymed to us in song or leased for our eyes on a reality show. In the words of American critic Christopher Lasch, "nothing succeeds like the appearance of success." Obviously, this is a belief of our musical artists. But if this is the case, why are so many of them unhappy? Why do we see them wasting money and abusing drugs for seconds of a smile?
Contrary to popular belief, success should not be measured by one's sexual exploits or material acquisitions. No, success should be measured by the things that bring lasting happiness. Can any amount of money can bring that? "Try not to become a man of success, but rather become a man of value," said Albert Einstein. Values, morals, purpose should be the things that rank first in our hearts and minds. These are the things longstanding. A parent who raises productive members of society who love and give back to their community while caring for the parents who raised them is successful. A person who gives of their education and ability to motivate others by teaching our children through the low paying school system instead of taking self-sufficient, high-paying employment is successful. One who accomplishes much and gains materially, but turns around and aids their fellowman through phylanthropy is successful. All of these things bring lasting satisfaction and pure happiness with none of the temporary contentment that self-amassment will bring. The old adage is true that money cannot bring happiness. It can only rent it for a while. And, rented happiness is not success.
In our lifetime, we may make a lot of money or we may struggle monetarily. But, if we find ourselves investing what we have in our children, and doing the things that makes it easy for us to look at our own reflection in the mirror, we will find success. With that in mind, may we all aspire to be successful!
Actually, these lyrics give eye to what could be a rip in the very stitch of the fabric of society. We are so consumed with being successful that it is the only thing we wish to hear about. Even the false pretense of success sang or rhymed to us in song or leased for our eyes on a reality show. In the words of American critic Christopher Lasch, "nothing succeeds like the appearance of success." Obviously, this is a belief of our musical artists. But if this is the case, why are so many of them unhappy? Why do we see them wasting money and abusing drugs for seconds of a smile?
Contrary to popular belief, success should not be measured by one's sexual exploits or material acquisitions. No, success should be measured by the things that bring lasting happiness. Can any amount of money can bring that? "Try not to become a man of success, but rather become a man of value," said Albert Einstein. Values, morals, purpose should be the things that rank first in our hearts and minds. These are the things longstanding. A parent who raises productive members of society who love and give back to their community while caring for the parents who raised them is successful. A person who gives of their education and ability to motivate others by teaching our children through the low paying school system instead of taking self-sufficient, high-paying employment is successful. One who accomplishes much and gains materially, but turns around and aids their fellowman through phylanthropy is successful. All of these things bring lasting satisfaction and pure happiness with none of the temporary contentment that self-amassment will bring. The old adage is true that money cannot bring happiness. It can only rent it for a while. And, rented happiness is not success.
In our lifetime, we may make a lot of money or we may struggle monetarily. But, if we find ourselves investing what we have in our children, and doing the things that makes it easy for us to look at our own reflection in the mirror, we will find success. With that in mind, may we all aspire to be successful!
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
"Life Is Partly What We Make It, And Partly What It Is Made By The Friends We Choose"--Tennessee Williams
What is a friend? This is a question I asked many before writing this blog. I got varied answers. One person stated that a friend is one who will give his life for you. Another said that a friend looks past your faults and loves you regardless. Yet someone declared that a friend is there to guide and protect another. All of these statements made me realize that obviously a friend is something needed, but we all would agree that there are not enough of in the world.
The pure definition of a friend is one who is attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard. In other words, a friend is one you know, like, and trust. Truly, we can like someone but do we accurately know them? Thus, can we trust them? Assuredly, we all have had a lot of ones that we considered friends, but they proved themselves contrarily. Oddly, is there any other characteristic of an individual that if a person is not complete, than they are the opposite. Think about it, if one is not your friend because of proven actions, than he becomes your enemy. There is no betweenness. No such thing as a frienenemy or an enefriend. They are either friend or foe.
The problem is that some very close to us are pretenders to friendship. They exist to bring subsequent heartbreak. But is that entirely their fault? True some people are insincere in their motives. Some will hurt others simply because they are not friends to themselves. And, most definitely, if one does not love himself, he cannot love someone else. But, on the opposite side of the spectrum, maybe we use the term "friend" too loosely, and we labeled them as a "friend" before we fully got to know of all of their traits. We have to have a period of trials of trust before we can call one a friend in the truest sense. Trials of trust? Yes, we give a little of ourselves and then they give a little of themselves. Maybe we tell them something personal, and depending upon how they handle that, we tell them more. As trust is developed, we may give them several more tidbits. Pretty soon they may be privy to bountiful amounts of information about us, and we about them. This person becomes our confidant, our adviser, our companion, our friend. Obviously, more time should be spent at the onset during the trials of trust. If more time is spent at this phase, we might be able to find out that someone is not going to be there for us in the more difficult times.
Too often we like a person for whatever reason and way too soon begin an instant friendship. We hurriedly skip all of the steps of the trials of trust and move them from stranger to friend in the blink of an eye. Maybe they had a similar background, maybe they are charismatic, or maybe they think along the same lines we do. But, there is no such thing as friend at first sight. What we then have is someone knowing too much who will eventually use that knowledge to do us harm. Then they become the type of friend Oscar Wilde was speaking of when he said “a friend is one who will stab you in the front”.
In contrast, some have good intentions in a relationship. Maybe it begins with one being sincere, but we expect more out of a person than they can give. We have to accept their faults and hope that they accept ours. Bernard Meltzer said “a true friend is someone who thinks you are a good egg even though he knows you are slightly cracked.” We must be good friends ourselves and become accepting of others. Maybe we know our friend has a selfish trait. Well, we have to accept that and not cut him off from our bosom at the next sign of selfishness. Possibly, our friend suffers with listening. The next time we begin to tell her about our boss' actions at the office that bothers us to no end, and she immediately cuts us off to tell us about a new song she heard on the radio or this brand new blouse she saw at Macy's, it might not be time to send her to the no-friend zone. She is just not centered. Possibly our friend is not to the same place in the relationship as we are. If this is the case, we should explain our concerns to our friend and allow them time to ameliorate.
True enough, a friend might be one we know, like, and trust, but that does not make him perfect. Expect mistakes and missteps. But, be sure that before you give someone your heart and name him your friend, he is worthy of bearing the name.
The pure definition of a friend is one who is attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard. In other words, a friend is one you know, like, and trust. Truly, we can like someone but do we accurately know them? Thus, can we trust them? Assuredly, we all have had a lot of ones that we considered friends, but they proved themselves contrarily. Oddly, is there any other characteristic of an individual that if a person is not complete, than they are the opposite. Think about it, if one is not your friend because of proven actions, than he becomes your enemy. There is no betweenness. No such thing as a frienenemy or an enefriend. They are either friend or foe.
The problem is that some very close to us are pretenders to friendship. They exist to bring subsequent heartbreak. But is that entirely their fault? True some people are insincere in their motives. Some will hurt others simply because they are not friends to themselves. And, most definitely, if one does not love himself, he cannot love someone else. But, on the opposite side of the spectrum, maybe we use the term "friend" too loosely, and we labeled them as a "friend" before we fully got to know of all of their traits. We have to have a period of trials of trust before we can call one a friend in the truest sense. Trials of trust? Yes, we give a little of ourselves and then they give a little of themselves. Maybe we tell them something personal, and depending upon how they handle that, we tell them more. As trust is developed, we may give them several more tidbits. Pretty soon they may be privy to bountiful amounts of information about us, and we about them. This person becomes our confidant, our adviser, our companion, our friend. Obviously, more time should be spent at the onset during the trials of trust. If more time is spent at this phase, we might be able to find out that someone is not going to be there for us in the more difficult times.
Too often we like a person for whatever reason and way too soon begin an instant friendship. We hurriedly skip all of the steps of the trials of trust and move them from stranger to friend in the blink of an eye. Maybe they had a similar background, maybe they are charismatic, or maybe they think along the same lines we do. But, there is no such thing as friend at first sight. What we then have is someone knowing too much who will eventually use that knowledge to do us harm. Then they become the type of friend Oscar Wilde was speaking of when he said “a friend is one who will stab you in the front”.
In contrast, some have good intentions in a relationship. Maybe it begins with one being sincere, but we expect more out of a person than they can give. We have to accept their faults and hope that they accept ours. Bernard Meltzer said “a true friend is someone who thinks you are a good egg even though he knows you are slightly cracked.” We must be good friends ourselves and become accepting of others. Maybe we know our friend has a selfish trait. Well, we have to accept that and not cut him off from our bosom at the next sign of selfishness. Possibly, our friend suffers with listening. The next time we begin to tell her about our boss' actions at the office that bothers us to no end, and she immediately cuts us off to tell us about a new song she heard on the radio or this brand new blouse she saw at Macy's, it might not be time to send her to the no-friend zone. She is just not centered. Possibly our friend is not to the same place in the relationship as we are. If this is the case, we should explain our concerns to our friend and allow them time to ameliorate.
True enough, a friend might be one we know, like, and trust, but that does not make him perfect. Expect mistakes and missteps. But, be sure that before you give someone your heart and name him your friend, he is worthy of bearing the name.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Await Tomorrow Happily!
Each day approximately 280,000 people do not awaken. Those of us who have the privilege to see the next day should find happiness and joy in that alone. But, the sad reality is that we are all bombarded with so much that life hands us daily that we rarely find a moment to reflect on the exuberance of life. Oftentimes, instead of a jovial spirit, we are saddened to see a day come. In the musical Annie, the lead sings the familiar words: "tomorrow, tomorrow, I love you tomorrow". But how many of us have that sentiment for the coming day? Our love for tomorrow may not run as deep as Annie's. Why? Because, many days arrive with much chagrin. For instance, we may be anxious because a certain date is approaching inwhich we have to pay a bill that we have no idea of how it will get paid. Or, maybe it is the day the boss has deadlines for a certain work assignment. Possibly it is the day we see the dentist for a painful procedure. Whatever the reason, that day brings anxiety instead of zestful merriment.
How many days can you count inwhich you took the time to notice a sunrise or sunset? How many times have you thrown restraint into the wind and took a nature hike or a family day at the zoo on a weekday? Can your family name a moment you casually took them to an amusement park? How many of the 280,000 that did not rise today would have regretted those opportunities? Or if they had the chance to live life all over again, would turn down the chance?
With that in mind, we should view every second of life as precious and seek happiness. Wake up each day and think of three things that make you happy. Also, think of one thing that you are going to do for yourself that brings joy. I once worked an extremely taxing job. The stress level was unbelievable. I decided each day after work I would drive to my favorite drive thru and get an ice cream cone. Pretty soon I began to look forward to that $.50 ice cream cone. When customers or the boss would make unreal demands of me, I would smile. They would be happy seeing me smile and carry out their demands, but the whole while I know I'm smiling because once I'm away from them, I would have the chance to have my treat. Now, the ice cream cone is mine so you will have to think of that single thing you can do for yourself to bring a smile through adversity. In addition, make those around you delighted with your presence, especially those you care for the most. It is amazing how contagious gaieties are. If others are blissful because of your deeds, you will be content as well.
Tomorrow is not promised to any of us. Because of that fact, let us enjoy each day to the full and keep worry and apprehension to a minimum. Problems will come since they are unavoidable, but may we not become consumed with them. Thus, we can enjoy life's experiences with the joviality and laughter of a child in his innocence. With happiness as our objective, how can tomorrow go wrong?
How many days can you count inwhich you took the time to notice a sunrise or sunset? How many times have you thrown restraint into the wind and took a nature hike or a family day at the zoo on a weekday? Can your family name a moment you casually took them to an amusement park? How many of the 280,000 that did not rise today would have regretted those opportunities? Or if they had the chance to live life all over again, would turn down the chance?
With that in mind, we should view every second of life as precious and seek happiness. Wake up each day and think of three things that make you happy. Also, think of one thing that you are going to do for yourself that brings joy. I once worked an extremely taxing job. The stress level was unbelievable. I decided each day after work I would drive to my favorite drive thru and get an ice cream cone. Pretty soon I began to look forward to that $.50 ice cream cone. When customers or the boss would make unreal demands of me, I would smile. They would be happy seeing me smile and carry out their demands, but the whole while I know I'm smiling because once I'm away from them, I would have the chance to have my treat. Now, the ice cream cone is mine so you will have to think of that single thing you can do for yourself to bring a smile through adversity. In addition, make those around you delighted with your presence, especially those you care for the most. It is amazing how contagious gaieties are. If others are blissful because of your deeds, you will be content as well.
Tomorrow is not promised to any of us. Because of that fact, let us enjoy each day to the full and keep worry and apprehension to a minimum. Problems will come since they are unavoidable, but may we not become consumed with them. Thus, we can enjoy life's experiences with the joviality and laughter of a child in his innocence. With happiness as our objective, how can tomorrow go wrong?
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
"Await Tomorrow Happily" is the title of the new blog to be posted tomorrow. Tune in at sirjamesthe3rd.blogspot.com tomorrow and every Wednesday for hot topics!
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